Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
