One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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