I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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