You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
