Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
