DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
