i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
