Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
