The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
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