i can't believe i had my finger in that
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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