i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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