why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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