I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so let's talk penis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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