she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
