you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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