Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
