Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
