The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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