Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
