I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
