No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
