we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
