sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
