i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
try to milk me bitch
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