I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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