Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
