God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
