Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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