i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
