Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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