no, he came in my armpit
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
