just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
