Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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