You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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