after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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