she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
