But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
