like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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