I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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