She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
