you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
