Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
