If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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