I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
