If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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