He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
