i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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