I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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