i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
