Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
